Bisexuality – a blog by Fern
I first realised I was part of the LGBTQ+ community when I was hit on by a woman on a night out during freshers, I hadn’t really given my sexuality much thought before, having been in a relationship with a guy for most of my teenage years.
This journey for me was and still is a positive one, with supportive friends and family. I originally identified as bisexual and, as time and terminology have developed, I more recently identify as either bisexual or pansexual, though preferably pansexual.
However, in relation to the NHS, there were some frustrations and missed opportunities for me when I sought healthcare.
One of the main frustrations is a conversation I have every time I visit the doctor, I get asked ‘could you be pregnant?’ I reply ‘no’, however it continues with the question ‘are you sexually active’ to which I reply ‘yes’, obviously here the doctor starts to think I’m not quite understanding the question and asks ‘are you sure you cannot be pregnant’, so, again I reply ‘yes I am sure’, however it continues with, ‘what contraception do you use’, I reply, ‘none’, the doctor at this point now thinks I’m rather dense and asks ‘so you could be pregnant’ so I finally put them out of their misery and tell them ‘no as my partner is a woman’. This is normally met with them moving swiftly on. As I’ve now been with my wife almost 10 years this conversation is much shorter and I tell them I’m not pregnant as my partner is a woman, however it took me a long time to buildup my confidence in being this direct.
This is also where a big missed opportunity is, as the healthcare professionals always move swiftly on due to feeling uncomfortable or potentially not feeling confident in talking to LGBTQ+ people, I was never taught about the fact that I would still be at risk of STD’s and that protection should still be worn, whether this was a lack of knowledge of what was available (as this was 10 years ago) or another reason to not educate me I do not know.
I mentioned in my previous blog that the pregnancy process we went through was aimed more at heterosexual couples. For example, the questions we were asked as part of the NHS counselling process due to using donor sperm were ‘what will you do when your 13-year-old child comes up to you and has found out they are a donor child?’. Our response to this was, ‘we will be very open about the whole thing, but we really hope they have figured it out by then…’. Another challenge I faced in this process was during an NHS run antenatal class, where the midwife kept referring to the partners as Dads (even though I was on screen and had introduced myself). This made me feel very sad and frustrated as I was just as much a part of this process, this wasn’t helped by a display board in the hospital clinic advertising a ‘dads group’.
There is a lot more that the NHS can do to make all people feel welcomed and accepted. Some of the LGBTQ+ community do not have that safe space and acceptance anywhere in life, so feeling safe within healthcare is Something we as healthcare professionals can offer.
To make people feel accepted we can use more neutral language such as partner we can ask more direct questions (if appropriate) eg ‘can your sexual partner get you pregnant?’ This question was asked to me recently by a dentist and you wouldn’t believe the difference it made to be asked an inclusive question and not have the anxiety of having to explain why I knew I was definitely not pregnant! It is our duty as healthcare professionals to make patients feel safe, and these things are a small start on a big journey that the NHS can take so that ALL patients can feel safe in every way.